Zero Card of the Tarot

Empty

2009-11-13T01:49:19Z

I'm treading black water and feel as if I may drown in an abyss of nothing. I should feel things, but I cannot bring myself to, I wonder if this is how she feels. I should actually take the time to talk to her.

Manners, Rules, and Order

2009-10-10T13:54:34Z

Without these things, we would not have society. I know people who believe that people should be free, who believe that people, given completely free will would not abuse it, that people can check themselves, so to speak.

I disagree. Humans, for the most part, are notorious for biting the hand that feeds them. Any freedom they get, they usually abuse or take advantage of without appreciating the fact that they have such a thing. So, I believe that rules, little social rules, laws, and boundaries are required in order to maintain order in society. Rules are lax, punishments lighter, and what has happened? Hell has practically broken loose on Earth. My God...

I do not support a fascist or totalitarian state, but I certainly believe that we need more order. We need to return to a republic, a true republic. Of course, it would be nice if we encouraged teachers being able to swat kids, and didn't jump on any parent who tanned a child's backside with a switch. People argue that there were problems with kids all through time. Yes, but how many of those kids eighty years ago were trying to beat up or shoot their teachers in second or third grade? Not many I'd wager, and if they did, their parents would probably tan them well.

Not having any children, I can't, personally, comment on that. However, I make sure that my nieces and nephews don't misbehave. I expect them to be young ladies and gentlemen...something that is dying in this world.

These are just thoughts going through my mind. I have been arguing on regular with someone regarding relations between the sexes, me being a very old-fashioned man. Yes, there were men in the 1800's who were cuckolded and henpecked, yes there were women who were beaten. Maybe it is because I am a man, but I prefer the idea of that time, and the thought of men in Japan turning around and wanting to be "cute," and protected by their girlfriends/wives revolting. I don't mind it if it is an individual choice, however, if it is a societal pressure issue, I find it disgusting. When I denigrated this idea, the obvious argument of "well it was male-dominated for how long?"

I disagree with the idea that women should be seen and not heard as a societal norm. However, I don't see how the world being female-dominated makes up for the world being male-dominated. That seems more like an infantile revenge tactic that my nieces have pulled. "She did this, so I get to do this to her!" No, what would make it equal, is society saying that whatever is the individual preference is acceptable.

My personal belief is as follows regarding this:
1. Do whatever gets you off, provided it doesn't fuck with anyone else's choice, unless that's their thing.
2. Women, you don't have to be ladies, but if you don't act like one, don't expect me to treat you like one. If you want to be treated or act like a man, or hah, my personal favorite, a "person," then I'll treat you like one.

On that note, I don't like being hit on by a neutral. I don't mind being hit on by women, I don't mind being hit on by men. I am a man, I probably act very much like a stereotypical man, in temperament if not in manner. I am proud, nigh cocky. I am, in general, laid back. This era of the stupid, crass, slob as an acceptable man is unacceptable to me. I try to take care of myself, but it is this double-standard of society that allows these homely fools to get dates while wearing their most slovenly clothes, while girls are often overlooked if they don't look their best...not that their best is much to gloat about in many cases.

My final thought, people need to learn how to dress themselves and carry themselves. I would imagine that projecting a positive image about one's self is common sense, but you know what they say about that:

Don't think too much, don't feel too deeply.

2009-06-20T11:48:22Z

Another update, don't panic.

I want to roleplay. I want to get, semi-active in the community again and keep myself busy outside of working. If I have too much free time to start thinking too deeply, or too abstractly, it doesn't bode well.

On another note, I've noticed after some reflection, that I've lost my confidence with regard to someone. I don't like it. Fear is something I am not used to feeling. I was never really fear-less per say, I didn't think I had much to fear. Now I realise that fear of internal pain is worse than fear of anything any stranger could possibly do to you.

I want to be a warrior again, but as I get older, the warrior shifts to a dreamer. Okay, I blame ck. for that line; sharing ElfQuest music with me. I think I'll be listening to this song a lot for the next couple of days. I can't wait until she finishes the picture she's working on of Cutter and Skywise. She introduced me to the comic. I had seen it when I was younger, but never paid attention to it. I suppose I have Elisa to thank for introducing her to it. So, thank you ck., and thank you Elisa for introducing her to it, without which I would never have heard of it.

Meeting new people is nice

2009-05-25T22:15:05Z

Hmm, I almost forgot my account here. I figured that I would update.

I've been keeping myself busy away from the computer, though when I came back, I met a few new people who have given me a reason to hang around more. Ruka got ahold of me, and we've been speaking. I suppose he's doing well. I'm glad that he's doing as well as he is. I've also spoken with Waru a bit, and he's doing better than he was last time we spoke.

Now, for new people.

Akemi, a lovely young lady with a certain...lust for life that I can certainly appreciate. Haha. She's cute, and very sweet. We met sort of on a spur of the moment thing, and that was nice, well, at least until she found out who I was, then she seemed suspicious. I think I've gained some trust with her, though, and I'm glad. We've been talking to each other a little over a week, and she has certainly had an impact on me.

Yasashiku is, likewise, a very spirited young man whom I've had the pleasure of meeting a while back. Though, I think he's a little upset at me right now. Like Akemi, he's very bubbly, though, his extent is almost overwhelming. Very in your face, it's charming in its own way.

My most recently met friend is a younger one. I must sound like a ephebophile, or immature at this rate. Haha, I'm not, I swear, at least not immature, not quite sure about being an ephebophile. But, it seems that the people I know tend to be younger than myself, I suppose this is because many places I haunt online tend to be inhabited by younger people. This little one seems to find me rude for asking their gender, so as yet, I have no idea if it's a girl or a boy. They seem sad, though, and I suppose it endeared them to me. Someone that young shouldn't be sad, there's their entire adult life to do that. I would put their name, but with how young they are, I really don't want to risk it. I also don't want to get it wrong, I was rather tired when we spoke, so my memory might not be quite right.

I've also made a couple of acquaintences through work, that was... interesting, considering I'm antisocial.

I've also been speaking with Jae Won and Jack more, they're a couple that I met a few years ago. Jack is a fairly chatty man, and Jae Won is his slightly less chatty lover...fiance? I'm not really sure what they are, apparently, though, Jae Won's father calls Jack his "wife," so, I suppose "husband" works for Jae Won. Jae Won tends to talk mostly about Jack, and work. Doesn't surprise me, my life isn't all that active either, so I usually talk about people I'm talking to, friends and family, and work, also; when I do talk. Jack...talks about everything under the sun. I don't mind, it saves me from trying to make conversation. They're in their mid-twenties, so that's closer to my age. I guess the younger ones are usually the ones who have the bowlers to approach me, or the naïveté.

Birdy has randomly messaged me, though she has a bad tendency of disappearing right afterward. I've seen her online, but I'm not really sure what to say right now. I hope she's doing well, and having fun, though.

ck. has been raping my mind with more music, trying to expand my horizons, I suppose. I understand her desire for people to be open-minded about music, but randomly telling people to listen to songs can be taxing on them. At least I can say that I've found some music that I like from it, most sadly of which would be some emo music. I'd say shoot me now, but that would just make me sound emo.

I finally finished something I'd started for Gaia Online. I'm thankful that they still took it and paid me. I'm one year older, not sure how much wiser, though.

I'm picking up roleplays again, I need to find time to do them, though. Many of them, I think, are indefinitely on hold, some I think I can go back to, some I may have to continue solo, and then there are some new ones, and some that are in the mixer. It's all about making sure that your roleplay partners-to-be are willing and able.

I think those are all of the updates I can think of right now. As I probably won't be updating often, this is probably all of the pertinent items before the next one.

Can I do this anymore?

2008-10-01T09:00:37Z

I don't know. What is the point of using this?

Has there ever been a trigger any of you have had for a perfectly decent mood to go tumbling into chaos?

There's no way I can willingly avoid it, though. I'm crazy, aren't I? I have to be completely nuts. If any of you still read this crap, I could really use someone to talk to.

Don't even try to understand this.

2008-08-26T05:35:49Z

Remember this day, and that you are simply not good enough as you are.

How amusing

2006-11-23T15:47:37Z

I have apparently been branded a liar, simply because I do not disclose everything that I have to say to someone who is outside of a conversation. -smirk- I would like to take a moment to laud the efforts of those who have effectively dropped the drama and gone on, for the most part, with their respective lives instead of carrying on in some sophomoric fashion, bravo.

I simply desire to say that I abhor being referred to as a liar, as I am anything but, neither am I a con-artist. I simply do not believe that the things I speak of with one person is anyone else's business, unlike the way others seem to think that any conversation is public property and free range. This is merely in my own defense, nothing else. Thank you.

Outside of this, have a pleasant Thanksgiving, everyone. I know that I shall. -smiles-

Cheesy

2006-11-20T14:35:07Z

Debt for getting to where I was needed overnight: 1,500$
Debt for vehicle to get there: 400$
Being able to be where I was needed as long as I could: Priceless.

-chuckles- Sufficed to say, I will not be doing much beyond this for a long time.

Official Forbiddance

2006-11-19T09:12:43Z

Yes ck., you are forbidden. You shall not speak of or to the boy; as friend, brother, or anything more or less. He is vapor, nothing more, nothing less. To believe lies about not only me, but you? I do not see how you can be so forgiving, it is unbelievable.

You will be alone if you feel you must, but enjoy it, have fun. You have several gentlemen who would happily hold you, comfort you, speak with you and laugh with you. Shit, you have several who are willing to love you as well. You will block him on any list you have him on, as well as his woman, an order from your younger online brother. You will immediately delete any messages that come from him that have not been approved through Birdy or I, and you will be emailed by us first to tell you that we have approved such a message. But, do not be surprised if he does not ask about you or try to contact you, let that show just how much interest and intention he has with you, none.

If you see him anywhere, in any guise, you will block him, ignore him, delete him, unless otherwise approved. I expect this to be commented on, petit. I know you will see it, because it's a public post, and I know you read your friends' posts.

Leave the capon to his vraie salope. You are an ideal that he does not deserve. -smiles and runs the back of my fingers along your jawline- I have experienced you, I know that you are even more in person. He has yet to prove to me any inch of worthiness. This is the official forbiddance. You will respond, and you will state that you understand. You will not argue with anything that I have said.

Sincerely,
Jayden

A first for everything.

2006-11-15T03:49:23Z

I asked ck. to upload this to her audio account. My msn has since improved and has allowed me online.

I don't think that I like that microphone. I need to fix the settings so my voice comes out clearer.

voice post.mp3

She renamed it, ah well.

Hello stranger.

2006-11-13T23:18:36Z

Mais, I came back after a time away in order to sort out my own mind and feelings, only to find that my girls were upset and that the papillon was out of sorts. I was introduced to a capon, not used to people like that, at least not men like that. Very few women, now that I think of it, as well.

Birdy wants me to roleplay with her some time, I would enjoy that. I haven't played Kyoshiro away from Ryutarou in a while, it will be something to get back into the habit. Kyoshiro has some making up to do with Arcana as well.

I have been talking to both of the girls and ck. is feeling better. I am glad. I don't need or want to hear this foolishness about life and death, there is still time in life, and much to experience for her. She won't let anyone drag her down like that again. -grins- Where she brings out a tenderness in me, it seems that I remind her of her internal strength. She has not forgotten, I know her too well to assume that, but she is in a place where no one can touch her just as she belongs.

Birdy has been doing rather well from the sounds of it, outside of sickness and failing due to that sickness. I want to be there for her to help her with her studies and help her heal, but I cannot. I only hope that she gets better, and is able to improve upon her grades. I know she doesn't like seeing ck. upset any more than I do, and in fact I think she is even less forgiving on the matter than I, which is impressive. I told her a story before she went to bed. -chuckles- I must say that I am happy to have returned to my position, in some form, as Birdy's bed time storyteller.

For any who worried, I am alive, living, and in a place now where I am satisfied with what I have and accept what I do not.

Share and share alike

2006-09-18T13:20:04Z

She shared it with me, and I will share it with you fine people. -chuckles- I liked Carly Simon's song, but this one is nice too.

Comments about my new icon? I like it. I think it matches my layout much better than any of the others.

Young girls with connections are what is wrong with the Internet.

2006-09-16T01:37:16Z

As much of a gentleman as I try to be...this girl is getting on my nerves.

1. She's underage.
2. She's clingy.
3. She's annoying in a way that defies anyone I've known.

How the hell am I supposed to take interest from a desperate girl with a messenger name like FucBtchSltty seriously? She wanted me to call her this evening because she is sick. I sympathise that she's ill, I don't feel like talking though, and that does not mean that I automatically amd obliged to do so.

As much as I don't like some of the music that ck. makes me listen to, this one is very appropriate.

I said that I would consider the possibility of dating her, strictly online in my mind, with nothing beyond soft affection, but after this, no. Hell no.

Her: lol thanks...jay will you call?
Her: me**
kyobaali: What? Why?
Her: Cause I wanna hear your voice...*she blushes a little*
kyobaali: No.
Her: Please it would make a sick person feel better
kyobaali: No.
Her: *her lip quivers*
kyobaali: What?
Her: I just wanted to talk to you....*she looks sad and droops her head*
kyobaali: You can talk to me here.
Her: But I wanna talk to you on the phone,I'm not sposed to be on the computer cause I'm sick....please just this once Jay
kyobaali: No, I don't feel like talking.
Her: Please Jay just once! It'll make me very happy *wraps her arms around his waist and nuzzles his neck* Pweeeeeeeeeeeez *she looks up at him giving puppy eyes*
Her: Please just once Jay....*she sticks her lip out and makes it quiver*
kyobaali: -growls- You're getting clingy, and you sound desperate. Both are quite annoying right now.
Her: *she drops her arms and her head and curls up in bed*
Her: your mean......*a tear rolls down her cheek* i just wanna hear you voice.....
Her: have you figured out if your gonna date me yet?
kyobaali: I would say that that is a definite no.
Her: you said you'd think about it...*she starts balling* WHATS WRONG WITH ME?! WHY DOESNT ANYONE LIKE ME?! *she buries her face in his chest sobbing*
kyobaali: Bawling, for one. Two, you're too clingy, you have almost no self confidence, you're pathetic to be quite frank.
Her: Do you think I like being like this? I dont know what I have to do Jay....no body likes me....I guess I thought of all people you would be my friend...now youve really made me cry...thanks a lot you deserved to be dumped by ruka your an ass
Her: i just want a friend
kyobaali: I am your friend.
kyobaali: Friends are honest with their friends.
Her: but you didnt have to be mean
kyobaali: You want to know what you have to do? You have to go out, not give a shit if anyone likes you. You seem like you barely like yourself. The only people who can make you feel like shit are the people you allow to have that power over you. Are you so weak that you allow everyone in the world to control you?
Her: *chews on her lip and nods ashamed* I try not to care but it gets to me after 14 years of being hated....your the only person who doesnt make me feel like shit and I really have a crush on you and I really want to date you but of course you have to be gay-no offence meant-and then you and your boyfriend break up and I thought maybe then you'd date me.....*sniffles*
kyobaali: Stop giving a shit. Who are these people to you? Yours is the only opinion that should matter in your mind. You can't please people by being a sniveling little fool. It's pathetic.
Her: Please stop being mean Jay...I'm really sensitive right now,its right before my you know what time and I'm sick
kyobaali: Lovely. -sighs- Then you should lay down, my dear. Go lay down, and rest. While you are doing that, you can think, and think a lot.
Her: Jay?
kyobaali: Yes?
Her: ....I love you....and...
Her: I was wondering if you would just date me for a week or somethin and see how it goes?
kyobaali: No.
Her: *hangs my head*
kyobaali: Just go lay down, and think. -touches your shoulder-
Her: *buries my face in your chest holding onto your waist* But I wanna date you! It's not fair
kyobaali: Life isn't fair. -gives you a small hug- Just go lay down, my dear. You need the rest, the chance to contemplate things, and to let yourself get better.
Her: what do i think about all i think about is...you and now frankly my heart is crushed....yes I like you that much.....
kyobaali: Don't think about me. Think about yourself. Now, go to bed and get yourself better. Think about what I have said about the control you allow others to have over you.

Oh, that hurt. -smirks- I know that I deserved to be dumped by Ruka, does it really bother me anymore? To say no would be a lie, but I can say that I am coming very close to not be bothered at all. She says that she loves me, I doubt that she understands what those words mean. I wonder if anyone under a certain age does, but then I remember lovers I have heard of. I suppose it takes a certain maturity level to know what love is and truly understand the consequences that come with it, too many people think about the fantasy, the good things that come of it. Fuck that, it makes you vulnerable, it makes you weak. It opens you up to being beaten and destroyed utterly by this person you trust. That's too much trust to give to anyone unless you know them inside and out.

I was likely too gentle to her in the end but, like a disease, she's grown on me to some extent and I don't want to hurt her that badly. She hasn't done anything but get attached to me.

Thank you, Nelson Mandela.

2006-09-10T00:28:42Z

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

God...?

2006-09-05T19:07:54Z

Why do I feel as if I have been lied to? Perhaps I am wrong, I pray that I am. -closes my eyes- Or, perhaps my paranoia will pay off. We will see.

I have a feeling, at the end of this, I will be alone, and crushed. I feel like a fool, how appropriate this icon is.

That is all right though if it is to happen. I am patient. -smiles-

A promise is a promise...

2005-11-13T10:18:19Z

I was asked, so I shall, my first update in a while on here. Figures that it's ck that makes me do it.

Alright, now onto how I see ck.

I have been thinking about this since she asked me what I think of her. Yes, she annoys me. She's a brat. But she's also a gentle and lovely lady with a heart that wouldn't think to honestly hurt anyone in any way. Ruka said that of an angel, butterfly, or flower that a butterfly would be most appropriate. She is like a faerie child, the purest spirits of the supernatural on earth. Angels belong in heaven, among the clouds, the fae belong in the world, where nature and spirits exist. Something warm, and innocent. Do I see her as an angel? No, I see her as the personification of the purity of the human soul at its best. Angels don't have souls. The human soul is a fragile, delicate thing that can be at times unbelievably strong. Even God smiles when he sees the form of the human soul. She reminds me of something that is too easily broken, and it hurts to see her sometimes, because Ruka was right..she does look like she's going to cry at any moment. Even her smiles tend to be tinted with sorrow. But it isn't a sorrow that desires revenge, so much as a sorrow which desires relief. Tears that beg to be stopped. I haven't been paying attention to it, and now that I actually think about it. I feel like a lowly dog. Her eyes haven't changed in years...even her mother has said that she's never seen her truly 'happy'. That thought disturbs me, because she has such a beautiful heart filled with light, and yet, it's so heavy within her. I wonder what it will take for her to be truly happy. She plays 'happy' very well, but I don't think that even I have seen her 'happy'. What makes her happy? When she says she's happy, she looks 'content'. As if that is the best that she deserves, or will ever get. Like she's simply accepting what comes. She feels, Lord does she feel. I've never met anyone with close to that much emotion, that much sensitivity. I never imagined why someone would want love so much, but now I guess I understand. It is a noble and good goal. Her quest for love is the only thing that I've seen compare to her quest for knowledge, which I have always found admirable.

I'm at a loss for words at the moment, when I think of more, I'll add it.

baalibastard @ 2005-06-04T01:44:00

2005-06-04T05:44:50Z

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|	20%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|	16%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|	16%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Sufficed to say, I have a lot of issues, and a couple subscriptions too.

Disturbing

2005-06-03T07:57:49Z

Not much to update really. Been working, strangely, I got curious about a couple of quizzes and ended up liking the results.

Your #1 Love Type: INFJ

The Protector

In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship.
For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls.

Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in.
However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself.

Best matches: ENTP and ENFP

Your #2 Love Type: ENFJ

The Giver

In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail.
For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring.

Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational.
However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner.

Best matches: INFP or ISFP

Your #3 Love Type: INFP

The Idealist

In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.
For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up.

Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.
However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space.

Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your #4 Love Type: INTJ

The Scientist

In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well.
For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well.

Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment.
However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions.

Best matches: ENFP and ENTP

Your #5 Love Type: ISFJ

The Nurturer

In love, you are quietly intense, devoted, and tend too hold on too long.
For you, sex is a way to get closer - and a way to take care of your partner.

Overall, you are altruistic and eager to please your sweetie.
However, you tend to also be non-confrontational and secretly frustrated with relationship issues.

Best matches: ESTP or ESFP

What's Your Love Type?

Your Expression Number is 4

Practical and down to earth - everything in your life is organized.
You are a great writer and teacher. You never forget a detail.
Very patient, you have the ability to cultivate talents in difficult fields.

You also tend to have an artistic side. You'd make a great architect or classical musician.
You face your responsibilities with a positive attitude - and you always get things done.
You are serious, sincere, honest, and faithful.

Sometimes your strong sense of responsibility leads to frustration.
You also tend to develop strong likes and dislikes, which border on dogmatism.
At you're worst, you can be a dominant disciplinarian.

What's Your Expression Number?

Your Birthdate: March 31

Your birthday suggests that you are a good organizer and manager, an energetic and dependable worker; attributes often showing success in the business world.

Serious and sincere, you have the patience and determination necessary to accomplish a great deal.

Your approach can be original, but often rigid and stubborn.

Sensitivity may be present, but feeling are likely to be repressed.

You are good with detail and insist on accuracy, but at times scatter energies.

You're a practical thinker, but not without imagination.

You love travel and don't like to live alone.

You should probably marry early, for responsibility is necessary for your stability.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

God knows why I did this.

2005-05-09T23:22:08Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Stop the press

2005-01-28T22:30:23Z

-chuckles- Two updates in one day. That's a record. Not one I am intent on continuing. This is mainly just because I'd been compared to a knight in my ways. I suppose, though I'm not sure I follow all of this. Warning, it's quite a long page.

The Code of Chivalry
according to the Order of the Rose

Thou shalt defend the innocent.
Thou shalt respect all weaknesses and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
Thou shalt love the country in which thou was born.
Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
Thou shalt perform scrupulously the feudal duties.
Thou shalt never lie and remain faithful to thy pledged word.
Thou shalt be generous and give largesse to everyone.
Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and Good and the foe of Injustice and Evil.

The Knightly virtues

Liberality - Honor - Good Faith - Glory - Unselfishness - Pride - Courtesy - Bravery - Loyalty

Definition of the Knightly Virtues

Liberality- generosity; open mindedness
Glory- great honor, popular praise, renown
Courtesy- formal politeness, favor instead of right
Honor- Any token of recognition for distinguished services or high merit; a fine sense of what is just and right with readiness to apply it to one's own conduct in relation to others
Unselfishness- generous; caring for others above oneself
Bravery- fearlessness in the presence of danger; courage
Good faith- Trust upon word alone
Pride- A proper feeling of esteem for one's own qualities or achievements
Loyalty- Faithfulness to country, duty, or friend

Ye Olde Knightly Code of Chivalry

1. Thou shalt believe all thy church teaches and observe all its directions.
2. Thou shalt defend thy church.
3. Thou shalt defend thy King and Queen unto death.
4. Thou shalt defend thy country against all whom oppose it without cessation and without mercy.
5. Thou shalt defend that of any charge unto death.
6. Thou shalt respect all those whom are weak, the poor and the innocent, and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
7. Thou shalt never lie and remain faithful to thy pledged word.
8. Thou shalt never brandish thy weapon in anger nor for evil purposes.
9. Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feodal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of god.
10. Thou shalt be everywhere and always thy champion of the Right, the Good and the True, and forever the foe of Injustice, Tyranny and Evil.
11. Thou shalt always fight fair and in an honorable fashion.
12. Thou shalt be generous and give largesse to everyone.

The Ten Commandments of the Code of Chivalry
From Chivalry by Leon Gautier

1. Thou shalt believe all that the Church teaches, and shalt observe all its directions.
2. Thou shalt defend the Church.
3. Thou shalt repect all weaknesses, and shalt constitute thyself the defender of them.
4. Thou shalt love the country in the which thou wast born.
5. Thou shalt not recoil before thine enemy.
6. Thou shalt make war against the Infidel without cessation, and without mercy.
7. Thou shalt perform scrupulously thy feudal duties, if they be not contrary to the laws of God.
8. Thou shalt never lie, and shall remain faithful to thy pledged word.
9. Thou shalt be generous, and give largess to everyone.
10. Thou shalt be everywhere and always the champion of the Right and the Good against Injustice and Evil.

The Code of Chivalry

* Live to serve King and Country.
* Live to defend Crown and Country and all it holds dear.
* Live one's life so that it is worthy of respect and honor.
* Live for freedom, justice and all that is good.
* Never attack an unarmed foe.
* Never use a weapon on an opponent not equal to the attack.
* Never attack from behind.
* Avoid lying to your fellow man.
* Avoid cheating.
* Avoid torture.
* Obey the law of king, country, and chivalry.
* Administer justice.
* Protect the innocent.
* Exhibit self control.
* Show respect to authority.
* Respect women.
* Exhibit Courage in word and deed.
* Defend the weak and innocent.
* Destry evil in all of its monstrous forms.
* Crush the monsters that steal our land and rob our people.
* Fight with honor.
* Avenge the wronged.
* Never abandon a friend, ally, or noble cause.
* Fight for the ideals of king, country, and chivalry.
* Die with valor.
* Always keep one's word of honor.
* Always maintain one's principles.
* Never betray a confidence or comrade.
* Avoid deception.
* Respect life and freedom.
* Die with honor.
* Exhibit manners.
* Be polite and attentive.
* Be respectful of host, women, and honor.
* Loyalty to country, King, honor, freedom, and the code of chivalry.
* Loyalty to one's friends and those who lay their trust in thee.

Code Of Chivalry

1. Noblity in Service
2. Death before Dishonor
3. Enterprise in obedience to rule
4. Respect for all worthy people
5. Honor all those above your station
6. Command Obedience through respect
7. Scorn those who are ignoble
8. Protect the innocent
9. punish the guilty
10. Courtesy to all ladies
11. Battle is the test of Manhood
12. Combat is Glory
13. Defend your charge unto death
14. War is the flowering of Chivalry
15. Death to all who oppose the cause
16. Arts are the food of the Chivalrous (especially music)
17. Anger blinds, a cool head will win the day

The List Field (The showplace of Chivalric Conduct)

1. Courtesy to your opponent at all times
2. In combat if you are uncertain of a blow take it
3. Do not let anger control your actions
4. Do not let the lack of Chivalry in others cause you to be unchivalrous
5. If your opponent is your equal practice chivalric action
6. If your opponent is your better give no quarter
7. Remember your actions speak louder than words

In addition to oaths and other codes, there were also Chivalric guidelines for character and romantic relationships...

Ye Nine Points of Knightly Virtue

1. Honor
2. Loyalty
3. Liberality
4. Pride
5. Good Faith
6. Bravery
7. Glory
8. Courtesy
9. Unselfishness

Knightly Rules for Chivalrous Love

1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.

The Twelve Chief Rules in Love
From Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus

1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt no have many who know of thy affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love's solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In pratising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of the thy lover.

The Art of Courtly Love
From Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus

1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.

Championship

One of the most important aspects of Chivalry is the Championship of a Lady. When you find a person whom you feel is worthy to be championed by you this is an example oath that you should use to bind your sword to her honor.

The Oath of the Champion

My dearest lady at this juncture I find myself bereft of a Lady to champion. It would be a great honor for myself and my entire Household if I could fight with your favor, and be your champion in this upcoming Affair of Arms. I will do my best to prove the strength of my arms so that I may show to those nobles assembled your great honor, beauty, and gentle grace.

If she excepts your offer of Championship she is then expected to bestow on you a favor. A favor is a piece of cloth or jewelry which is personal to the lady. You wear the favor in your belt as a sign that you are fighting for her and that you will do your best to uphold her honor on the tourney field.

Virtues of Chivalrous love (also applicable to modern dating or relationships of any type, both personal and professional)

* Modest
* Attentive
* Honest
* Graceful
* Well-groomed
* Faithful
* Discrete
* Generous
* Worthy of Praise

My beliefs have been shaken repeatedly. So I pose an odd question. If this is my aim, if I expect myself to follow some of these codes, and deny myself my urges, my desires. But lately they've been coming out and showing at the most odd times. What does a person do, when their faith in themselves as a decent, upstanding and generally tender individual, begins to come apart the the seams? Showing a raging, denied, instinct. Okay, no more fish and potstickers before bed for me.

I said why not

2005-01-28T22:11:07Z

Complete at your leisure.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your lj and see what I say about you?

Handwriting analysis..?

2004-12-02T17:23:57Z

Yes yes, it said I couldn't use this but it's my reading so why not?

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Jayden has left lots of white space on the left side of the paper. Jayden fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Jayden has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Jayden is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Jayden would like to leave the past behind and move on.

Jayden has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

Something is incomplete in Jayden's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Jayden's sexual needs.

Jayden is very self-sufficient. He is trying not to need anyone. He is capable of making it on his own. He probably wants and enjoys people, but he doesn't "need" them. He can be a loner.

Jayden will take action on his thoughts. He is positive that his views are correct for him. He has the ability to seem as if he is positively correct when answering a question, even if he does not have the slightest idea of the answer. Jayden displays a self-confidence that makes everyone else sure he is correct. He is positive of his own views, but not necessarily stubborn.

Jayden is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

Jayden is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Jayden basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

In reference to Jayden's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Jayden slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Jayden can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Diplomacy is one of Jayden's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Jayden can disagree without being disagreeable.

Jayden will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

Jayden will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Jayden believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Jayden is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

Jayden will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Jayden an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Jayden is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Jayden is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Jayden doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

And this is what it says about my handwriting, though why it had me sign my name I'll never know.

I don't even know why I did this.
Well, I did this at www.handwritingwizard.com

baalibastard @ 2004-11-18T06:33:00

2004-11-18T11:39:11Z

Would you's
() go out with me?
() give me your number?
() have sex with me?
() let me kiss you?
() watch a movie with me... even a really violent one?
() let me take you out to dinner?
() drive me anywhere?
() take a shower with me?
() be my bf/gf?
() have a fling with me?
() Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends?
() buy me a drink?
() take me home for the night?
() Would you let me sleep in your bed?
() Sing car karaoke w/ me?
() sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
() give me oral?
() re-post this for me to answer your questions?
() Let me give you a piggyback ride?
() Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?

do you's
1. do you think im cute?
2. do you want to kiss me?
3. do you want to cuddle wit me?
4. do you want to hook up with me?

are we's
1. are we aquintences?
2. are we friends?
3. are we hook ups?
4. are we in a relationship?
5. are we gonna have kids?

am i's
1. am i smart?
2. am i cute?
3. am i funny?
4. am i cool?
5. am i the most brilliant person ever?

have you ever?
1. have you ever thought about me?
2. have you ever thought there might be an "us"?
3. have you ever thought about hookin up with me?
4. have you ever found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
5. have you ever wished i were there?

are you's
1. are you done with this survey?
2. are you happy you know me?
3. are you mad at me?
4. are you thinkin bout me?
5. are you going to repost this so that i will return the favor?

Damnable arians

2004-11-18T11:35:59Z

You are 80% Aries

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

I would write some...but after tonight...I don't think I'm really up for it. -sighs- I am an idiot.

-mutters- Damn it, I had to email her when she was doing quizzes...

2004-10-22T22:32:04Z

-tries THREE- Happy?
-changes this one a little-

perfect- To you, your boy/girlfriend is the most
important person in your life, you would do
anything for him/her, and that's why, you're the
perfect boyfriend. Some guys/girls would kill to
have a boyfriend like you, one that always
knows how to make a guy/girl feel special. You
rock! ^0^

What kind of boyfriend are you? (for guys! with pics!^0^)
brought to you by Quizilla

God of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks about
you at times. But hey, pain is beauty, right?
You're not as torn as Night which is why you
can still go out, have fun and come home happy.

What element would you reign over? (For Guys)
brought to you by Quizilla

You're Squall/Laguna!!

Hey it was never proved that Laguna was Squall's
father and besides, potiential incest just adds
that extra hint of spice to the relationship.

What Yaoi Final Fantasy 8 Couple are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

-frowns- Scary though it sounds, that actually sounds about right, at least on one side of the spectrum. -shakes my head- I hope you're happy woman!